Splish splash

I've been putting off posting this sordid tale of woe and water, hoping that it would diminish in my memory. Since it hasn't, here's the Cliff notes version of what happened during the time from this past Saturday night to this past Monday night, to spare you the drudgery of reading a detailed version, which would just be bloated with the scatology and vitriol I was throwing around during the whole mess:

Mysterious water leak in kitchen floor...late night...all-night mop-a-thon trying to keep it in check till plumber arrives in morning...water line to ice maker discovered to be culprit...replaced...36 hours...new line springs its own leak...another late night...more water in kitchen floor...same dumbass plumber...words exchanged...line cut off under house and capped...no ice maker at this time, and I can live with that for a while if it saves me from gallons of water in the floor.

not at all what I looked like

Although I haven't yet called the plumbing company to ask, I am dying to know the following:

1. What kind of dumbass plumber gets a 10PM call about a leak HE HIMSELF is supposed to have fixed a day and a half earlier, and asks the client, whom he knows from his own eyes to be an overweight middle-aged broad, to go into her crawlspace and start turning knobs?! I kept telling him my crawlspace days are long over and he kept trying to get me to do that. This suggestion was made three times on the phone! After the third time, I observed that he could have already put a couple of miles on the truck in the time he had spent trying to get me to do his job.
2. What kind of dumbass plumber has an after-hours emergency callout truck and doesn't keep a wet-dry shop vac on it???
3. What kind of dumbass plumber thinks the permanent solution to this problem is to install an in-kitchen shut-off to make it easier to turn off the water to the ice maker next time (!?!) this happens?

I was soooo stressed out, partly from mopping what felt like the equivalent of the grounds of the Taj Mahal, partly from shlepping waterlogged crap out onto the porch, but mostly from be in a state of extremely high dudgeon the whole time. It wasn't over the ice maker being broken -- it was the first few hours when I couldn't find the problem, mopping and mopping and MOPPING for hours, followed by a repeat performance with MORE mopping, and the plumber's attitude. I really should get one of those small wet-dry shop vacs.

I tried to go to my happy place, but it was flooded and had dumbass plumbers all in it.

I am planning to craft a seething, scathing, and wholly accurate review for Angie's List.