Like, really, I mean, yeah, no, seriously, but anyway...

Recently I started picking up a little extra money doing transcription of audio files -- stuff like podcasts, conference calls, webinars, presentations, lectures, etc. I find myself having the same private reaction: "How can you not hear how bad you sound??"

If you can't (or refuse to) hear it, wait till you read the transcription of it, when the overused and unnecessary words and phrases jump off the page into your face. For instance, I recently transcribed an audio that was about an hour long and I swear it would probably have been more like 50 minutes if one of the participants hadn't started and abandoned multiple sentences only to start another one, stammer over it for a few seconds, start a new one, etc. If he will just READ the transcript, I hope he'll see how he sounds.

So, with all kind regard, if you're doing any kind of work in which you speak spontaneously, check yourself: Are you someone who uses the same response, like "Got it" over and over and over and OVER?? Or do you start everything you say with, "Yeah..." or, much much worse, "Yeah, no, but..." Do you have a forced laugh at the end of things YOU say that YOU think are funny? Do you pepper your comments with overused superlatives like, "It really really..." or "I absolutely think..."?

If you aren't doing any of those things or the gajillions of other flinch-inducing things I've heard, perhaps you are still an offender of a much higher magnitude if you are {cue ominous chord} an uptalker. Don't act like you don't know who you are. You end everything you say with a question mark? Whether it's a question or not? You say things like, "I hope you get a lot out of this broadcast? And that you'll be back next time?"

Not only does uptalking make everything you say sound tentative and unsure, but -- and I don't care who you are, or how old you are, or how skilled you are in the subject at hand -- if you talk like a freaking Valley Girl, you lose all credibility.

Like, TOTALLY.